Starting Anew!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Finally had some time to sit down. relax. and think about what happened for the past few days.
Except for the campfire, FTB was quite fun i guess. Certainly tiring. but most importantly, a great learning experience.
I'd like to think that I've changed after the camp. somehow.. i really think so. not so much of what we did during the camp... but more of the thinking.

Day 1: Getting to know each other
Was the first one in my OG to meet. and like certainly the first few ppl to reach there. somehow i was buzzing with energy.. walking ard to meet n talk to ppl frm other OGs. a few familiar faces. sat ard w other girls frm other ogs until some ppl frm our og came. started to talk w ppl frm my og and be my crazy self (that is like a contradiction coz my real self is not so crazy :P) and did brief intros. still quite high but all the enthusiasm died down once i got into the bus. den the low extended almost until the entire day. until theres any activity i gotta do. if not, i will just keep silent. and somehow i cant really break out of that mood. been catching myself like this before liaox. but yar. emo highs and lows can screw me up sometimes. but yups. after activities like nitro crossing, mystic river and stuff tho, i felt lil better. dexter (my faci) was great on debriefs. i know some ppl don really like those but i do. coz i feel like verbalising my thoughts make me think. instead of going through all the activities without understanding the meaning behind them. coz reflections are times when i believe that ppl really learn. but yup the activities challenge me to push thru certain psychological barriers.. not to be scared about certain physical stuff and instead learn to encourage others on. and actually, it helps. helps to repeat something. over and over. "you can do it!" and sometimes.. just sometimes, it makes it easier for us to remember. i am glad for this strength. that i realised different ppl and situations have instilled.
the night activities was um a bit lames tho. and our og cruised thru them.. i was really sorry that i wasn't scared by the haunted house and instead just kept saying sorry to them that im not scared. but yup. thanks for the great effort.

but OUR OG night activity was more fun. we stayed up until bout 1+ only.. but we played silly games like zhong ji mi ma and stuff. was so exciting to see melvin and jeremy kiss each other (on the lips some more!) even if its for a short moment.. tt i begin to wonder if i have some watch-gays fetish. ha. but melvin really lucky/unlucky. got forfeits 3 times in a row and gets to dance w mei ying as wells. super sporting super ons.. mel. our Melvin jiejie :P haha really great to have him in our og.

My complaints:
1. There was no toilet roll! OMG. not tt im very big on hygiene but at least provide some toilet rolls.. or ask us to bring ourselveS? :P
2. The floor is damn hard and we were sitting for so long for all the debriefs my butt hurts. like so badly.
3. The floor was damn hard and i wasn't tired enough on the first day so i couldn't sleep.
4. i love watching the planes. but sometimes the noises they make can be annoying.

Day 2: the low morale
So lil sleep and yet had to wake up so early. my mood wasn't at its best. but still okay. started with the maze. Those could see couldnt talk but those who could talk couldn't see. somehow we were q slow tho we were strongly held tgt. had some good starts. then we reached this soccer station tt we had to wait so we decided to move to another station. douglas asked dexter something and dex muted him. and blindfolded him. so like. die. since i was behind him i switched places w him and with my direction sense so lousy.. i led ppl to wrong places and all. wasted so much time i almost wanted to die. and dexter didn't help and just shake his head at me. i was like so helpless. esp w everybody who could talk asking me wats gg on. sigh. but finally led them to the next station. and we had to wait for another group to finish the station. anw while we were waiting douglas gave a great shoulder massage. it was like so nice. haha i almost wanted to ask for more but just shyed from doing that. haven received such a power massage for so long. but helped to relax me awhile. later decided to ask jeremy to be the first person leading instead and i changed place w him. anw we were stuck at our final station later on. but it was then that douglas finally couldn't tolerate it anymore coz he had a v bad headache since he woke up. and he left for the bunk 2 rest. worried for that silly boy coz he really looked very bad. but it was after the witch doctor's challenge that dex told us he had high fever. anw reenee (oh shes this really nice and chio girl frm philippines.. but she looks caucasian coz her father is caucasian.. n shes like my good fren) had to leave to see the dean. so yups morale was lil low during witch doctor's challenge n kayaking. frenzy had an interesting ending that i wouldn't think of.. while tug of war is tiring and violent :P but sth new as well.. tower made of human feet.. i was like lifted so many times (oh i realised this is like the thing ppl always do during this camp.. lift girls up :P i was lifted up like so many times.. and i feel sorry for the ppl who lift me up coz im like damn heavy. but somehow after the camp i miss the silly feeling of being lifted up :P) and then there was the barrel challenge in which i screamed like i was in labour. and everybody laughed at me after that. but super dirty and sandy after the entire thing was over.. so it was a great time for kayaking. had an okay time kayaking.. could have enjoyed more.. but gotta paddle fast. tired. but qiangyu did most of the work sometimes so that i could rest and that was really nice of him. but the highlight was the Activity (Dex said everything was an activity and not just a game coz its serious n we gotta learn from em) .. changing positions in the kayaks. melvin and peiqi fell into the water when we tried it the second time but if not all went all. but i got q a lot of cuts from the activity. but it was nice in a kayak... it feels as if its just u and ur partner in the sea and in the sun.. against the wind. the feeling's great. tho not the feeling of being dirty.
washed up and prepared to go for campfire.. which was q pitiful esp when i think of hc MAF and makes me appreciate the effort put in by the councillors :) [oh yes i wanna go back MAF so ppl i hope u all tell me when u all gg back. and WHEN IS MAF!] a super small fireball... and campfire at the extreme left? who'd be excited? i didn't pay attention to the skits and cheers and all. but the dancing part was q fun. seems as if a lot of smu ppl go clubbing and i feel so deprived. so sad i cannot go. tho melvin said i prolly shd slip in and out on ladies night. but i wonder who can go w me to slip in and out :P anw the dancing was q fun esp when everyone was dancing YMCA.. that was the ultimate high. and i so wanna learn how to dance! but had great fun :). but gotta plan for rafts and the Final challenge which ended q late that night. so fell on the floor and slept right away.

Day 3: The Final Challenge
Its difficult to describe the entire thing except that it was q fun and everybody was like running and all. and we got first for first activity. and ppl were laughing at me coz i walked across the detergent thing standing up and i wasnt supposed to do it and supposedly i look funny. but i rmbed... shieh yuen telling me to be quieter coz i was screaming too loud and that somehow shocked me into silence for very very long. so yup gotta learn. not to be too excited. what i knew was that everybody tried their best and all. anw at certain times i was annoyed.. something i didn't really say or show.. when certain ppl were too confident and arrogant about their ideas.. but i must admit that these ideas work. and i really should oso overcome my own arrogance and pessimism that they won't. lots of things i gotta learn to control. anw. i had great fun. and felt relieved when the final challenge ended. but really felt q sad when we had to go.. tho its a short 2.5 days.. so many stuff packed in these few days that i cant help being affected. sorta miss the ppl now that im back home. and the many activities we had.

To say the truth, i didn't meet someone i could consider like my very good friend during the camp. more of like acquaintances that i would hi bye and maybe go out once in a long long while. sometimes i hate myself for that.. the zhong se qing you side of me.. and the not so easily let ppl into my inner circle side of me. but its really difficult.. i find. to change my habits.

anyhow. though they will not see this, i just wanted to say thank u everyone for being part of J51. dex coz hes been a great faci and hes so mature and all, he changes my idea of guys our age and even tho i don like him as in romantically :P, he changes my idea of the kinda person i would like. haha. silly thought i know. a nice guy is not enough liao. a person who can challenge me to think and argue w me. haha. oh wells. but anyhow yup gotta thank him for making me think in this camp. theres douglas melvin qiangyu thomas junwei all of whom were great during the camp.. in adding much guy fun and jokes. the girls shieh yuen peiqi reenee mun.. great for sticking ard with and shieh yuen for being so crazy and fun. :)

really learn a lot. or at least i felt so.
so thankful ive got J51.
thanks guys n gals :)

~9:12 PM

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