I want you to colour my days, but more
I want to occupy your thoughts
Every one of the days
For days are just moments with-in or with-out
Thursday, August 31, 2006
one can cry and cry ...
until the heart is hardened..
and even though tears continue to fall,
the heart is not truly moved.
~12:03 AM
* * *
you don't care who im with, whether im spending time with you, whether im talking even though we're on the fone... not even when i told you im starting to feel less. everything seems to be a joke. laugh about it and forget.
sometimes im so sick of crying coz i know you can carry on ur dota game just fine and then snap at me... "its not my fault" ... but then again i am unreasonable. i know. so now i don even bother to tell u.
the thing is im so tired sometimes.. u know?
i wonder. where is the warmth i used to feel. the special feeling we're supposed to share.
Faded. Jaded.
and the best part?
i don't think you're gonna read this.
~11:23 PM
* * *
haha. busy busy.
1st week especially hectic with me and my mum juggling the kids all day and night (so there weren't good nights to sleep in) plus first days of school and introductions.
but i managed to get my gym work in... at least more than i intended for this week.. which is nada.
Mugging has started officially because there are discussion questions to be done every week and you WILL fall behind if you don't do them. but sometimes class participation can be quite scary. especially with pro profs. but classes are generally quite okays n interesting.. and im listening a lot more as compared to last time.. in jc e.g.
but the bad things:
1. i seem to be falling behind in friendships again coz i don see a lot of ann, og peeps (oh but at least i got to blade my ass off with them on saturday! :P and then there was vivace), 69 peeps (haven seen them for some time.. saw them on saturday but yar.. seem to be more distant w the girls.. no? different sch different lives i suppose)
2. i don REALLY have time for low and its q sad. coz i wanna have more. hahaha.. but at least now he can go home every day tho.. hes tired every day too and i feel so bad for that poor boy. and i don think i have time to see him on weekdays either so its like no extra time.
3. i want to see more of Baby (Seles) who was born last week.. did i mention that? :P but i don really have time. or rather i don wanna feel like im wasting time. but i shall wake up early tmr to carry her.
4. Muggin! omg la. theres so much to be done. its affecting my enjoyment level of talk time and dota time and family time and everything.
going for SMU Christian Fellowship tmr.. hope it'll be fuN! but it clashes with Toastmasters.
going for SMU Freshmen Bash on thurs nite... its so not me. hahah. but my og is gg. and hope tht low will go too.
going for EYE investment workshop/camp on sat morn... sounds a lil boring but i wanna learn more about investments... gonna leave early for...
Child @ Street 11.. trainin on how to build sandcastles! it may sound retardee retardo to some ppl but i think its gonna be fun and not everybody know how to build sandcastles.. at least i don remember building one myself :) ...
which means im not gonna have much time for low on sat nite.. which i wanna go for...
COMEX.. to buy my laptop case.
sounds like a packed week.
and i dun like being squeezed.
and then there are the driving lessons...
and my monthly friend.
~11:17 PM
* * *
Colossian 3:3-7
Believe in Christ and that He lost his life so that we can gain ours... and that our souls are safely locked away with Christ in God.
But beyond that... move closer to God by becoming the kind of person we ought to be.. like Christ. and not be under Satan's Bondage.. indulging in sin. Satan works on us mostly on two things:
1. Sexuality: Lust, impurity of mind, immorality (having sexual relationships outside of the marriage covenant. includes BOTH Premarital Sex and Adultery. because Sex is something precious only to be shared with your spouse. coz love.. is large overrated.) and self-fulfillment and all those weird fetishes.. including homo coz homo is not natural.. not what God intends us to be.
- Why Sexuality is so important... coz it is part of who we are... our femaleness.. our maleness. Destroy the sanctity of it.. and destroy the foundation of all of family. Wrong values get passed down and its a vicious cycle for our kids.
2. Idolatry/Greed/Covetousness: We lose sight of God when we are immersed in the road to make money. Know that He will take care of you, of your monetary and all your other needs. and Do not worry. or do more than what you ought to do. coz u are provided by Him.
~11:21 AM
* * *
tis quite cool really.
although it doesn't really look good... white shirt w black skirt... it generally looks quite good when lotsa ppl are wearing it. my og keeps taking pics today.. to make up for the lack of camera during camp which must be dex's fault. :P
met at subway first.. and met Jessica for the first time. shes q chio really :) the sporty girl type of chio. and very open and fun kinda person. but generally we had fun taking pics and all da way till suntec... where dex was late and thomas wore a shirt with pink/purple stripes and we educated him about the gayness of the colours. nevertheless we took lots of pics.. weird poses and alls. denz dex came along and finally reenee too. poor girl. she lost her cam on the taxi and couldn't find it back. but i enjoyed her sitting beside me. muahaha. shes so pretty. shall post some og pics when i get dem.. and u'llknow wad i mean.
okays firstly the hall is really cold esp coz we were sitting there not moving. its like freeezing. anw the convo was divided into 2 sections.. formal informal. twas cute seeing the chancellor holding da mace. i think it was the cutest part of the procession. and Dr Howard's speech was the most personal.. and perhaps most interesting of all the speeches. oh but yar. there was this segment where they showed all the awards and scholarship winners... the matric fotos and it was SUPER EMBARRASSING coz they took the matric foto and MINE WAS LIKE SHIT. ppl ask me if my head was wai diaox. quite embarassing when ppl can actually recognise u. but yar.
den we had a break where we girls went out to kope food. omg la. i cant believe we did wad we did coz shieh yuan started to steal the food from reception.. as in using our bare hands. and so we all did. but when she tried to take a puff at the end.. a woman looked at her so incredulously.. we all luffed like shit. DAMN EMBARRASSING LA.
ANW the informal session. we went out for toilet sometime after it started to take pics and go toilet. the toilet was q nice and big and had mirrors so its conducive for taking pics. the informal one gets a bit boring after a while... with all the jazz singing but the hey bi hiam (band) spiced it up.. and our og started the snake thing and going in circles and all... dancing.. blabla. it was all quite fun :) without being so cool we all get alienated
I LOVE J51!
haha.. but sry i gotta leave so soon after tt.. (so many ppl left.. its a bit hard for the rest to go off for an outing.. paisehZ.. even tho u all won see this. ha!)
and SORRY ANN I DIDN'T GO FIND U ANd SHOW OFF OUR IDENTICAL SHOES.
~10:44 PM
* * *
Police at Amsterdam's Schiphol airport on Thursday released a
warning for hallucinogenic dark chocolate bars after a homeless man ate one and
confused their uniforms with wedding dresses.
Tests showed the 72 percent cocoa dark chocolate contained psilocine, a
mind-altering substance found in hallucinogenic mushrooms and considered to be a
hard drug.
~3:40 PM
* * *
I like
My Car
it takes
me far.
~10:47 AM
* * *
I Love SMU!
its really not about the supernice building or the fact that its near to my house.. and town.
nor how hip it is. (come ons. im nots a hips person! and this point is actually off la)
or the many many chio girls or considerably better guys. (i mean... i cant really talk to the chio/shuai ppl coz they are way too cool for me. down-to-earth crazy ppl r for me!)
i think its most coz God have designated me to be there! i mean... He brought me the scholarship, He brought me Ann (myBESTESTfWeNZ), OG J51 (gr8 camp and way NICE ppl to joke ard with) and allowed me to pass the stats waiver. theres nbd like Him. what i learnt is... TRY not to expect too much. Rely on Him and Trust that he will make it all OKAY... it doesn't matter if i had failed the waiver or anything... i know that this is the route he chose for me... and I shall walk it with Him. so Im not worrying about the fwenz coz i believe that he will bring me the ones who will really matter to me!
and im SRY for all my transgressions like not joining a CG, being wicked :P, not gg church last few times, bein emo.
Thank You, God.
~10:00 AM
* * *
Class Schedule:
im not planning to bid for more so for now, i'll have thursdays free.
the bad thing is... i dunno anyone who has the same block as me.. (Blk A) but its okay. personally i prefer this blog.. though it has heavier workload. i don have to choose more modules.
Next:
- Driving today as usual. I learn how to park.. using an easier technique so although there were times the car hit the metal thingy it didn't fall.
- Gym was fun. im glad n proud =P tt i burnt 600 cal
- Child @ St 11 briefing: the video done by eric khoo was really q touching. and i want to make a difference in these kids' lives! even if they meant sacrificing my saturdays.
- went to the doc w my sis and realise my niece is bout 4.0 kg liaox which is supers big. so she prolly has to go caesarean again.
And.
Think our lives is really very different now. its difficult for either to understand or do anything bout it. just leave it to God i suppose. but yes, its really the first few times i think i can really live without. and i suppose. he has always been able to do it too. so.. hello goodbye?
sians.
~9:32 PM
* * *
~12:28 AM
* * *
a girl may break up with you not only because theres a third party.
but also because her expectations has changed... she has changed.. and so has the guy.
im currently in the Low period. as in emo low. heart sometimes in conflict with things ive just learnt and experienced. and its jus not a nice feeling. though sometimes. i know i ask for too much.
not happy w my mum oso.
im feel so juvenile u know. having to argue w my mum to go out. thinking abt relationship stuff. i mean when can i grow up.
and btw gym was fun w ann. as usual. just tt feel a bit weirds w daniel n joseph ard. sigh. small-boy charms. cute. but yar.
and i was told i missed the sunday times. low just had to wait till today to tell me. so sad.
~10:43 PM
* * *
~10:40 PM
* * *
i mean. that shouldn't sound so miraculous. but yup.
1. my 3rd sis is like pregnant again. means all my sisters are pregnant as of now. haha feeling a bit sad i cant be sharing this experience w them but no worries. i believe i'll have 4 mothers coaching me when its my turn.
2. my eldest sister giving birth soon.. like in the next 2 weeks.
3. i miss ann :)
4. my body ach all over. but its not so bad .. gradually.
5.
6.
7.
9.
10.
shd have more. i just cant think.
~11:54 PM
* * *
Except for the campfire, FTB was quite fun i guess. Certainly tiring. but most importantly, a great learning experience.
I'd like to think that I've changed after the camp. somehow.. i really think so. not so much of what we did during the camp... but more of the thinking.
Day 1: Getting to know each other
Was the first one in my OG to meet. and like certainly the first few ppl to reach there. somehow i was buzzing with energy.. walking ard to meet n talk to ppl frm other OGs. a few familiar faces. sat ard w other girls frm other ogs until some ppl frm our og came. started to talk w ppl frm my og and be my crazy self (that is like a contradiction coz my real self is not so crazy :P) and did brief intros. still quite high but all the enthusiasm died down once i got into the bus. den the low extended almost until the entire day. until theres any activity i gotta do. if not, i will just keep silent. and somehow i cant really break out of that mood. been catching myself like this before liaox. but yar. emo highs and lows can screw me up sometimes. but yups. after activities like nitro crossing, mystic river and stuff tho, i felt lil better. dexter (my faci) was great on debriefs. i know some ppl don really like those but i do. coz i feel like verbalising my thoughts make me think. instead of going through all the activities without understanding the meaning behind them. coz reflections are times when i believe that ppl really learn. but yup the activities challenge me to push thru certain psychological barriers.. not to be scared about certain physical stuff and instead learn to encourage others on. and actually, it helps. helps to repeat something. over and over. "you can do it!" and sometimes.. just sometimes, it makes it easier for us to remember. i am glad for this strength. that i realised different ppl and situations have instilled.
the night activities was um a bit lames tho. and our og cruised thru them.. i was really sorry that i wasn't scared by the haunted house and instead just kept saying sorry to them that im not scared. but yup. thanks for the great effort.
but OUR OG night activity was more fun. we stayed up until bout 1+ only.. but we played silly games like zhong ji mi ma and stuff. was so exciting to see melvin and jeremy kiss each other (on the lips some more!) even if its for a short moment.. tt i begin to wonder if i have some watch-gays fetish. ha. but melvin really lucky/unlucky. got forfeits 3 times in a row and gets to dance w mei ying as wells. super sporting super ons.. mel. our Melvin jiejie :P haha really great to have him in our og.
My complaints:
1. There was no toilet roll! OMG. not tt im very big on hygiene but at least provide some toilet rolls.. or ask us to bring ourselveS? :P
2. The floor is damn hard and we were sitting for so long for all the debriefs my butt hurts. like so badly.
3. The floor was damn hard and i wasn't tired enough on the first day so i couldn't sleep.
4. i love watching the planes. but sometimes the noises they make can be annoying.
Day 2: the low morale
So lil sleep and yet had to wake up so early. my mood wasn't at its best. but still okay. started with the maze. Those could see couldnt talk but those who could talk couldn't see. somehow we were q slow tho we were strongly held tgt. had some good starts. then we reached this soccer station tt we had to wait so we decided to move to another station. douglas asked dexter something and dex muted him. and blindfolded him. so like. die. since i was behind him i switched places w him and with my direction sense so lousy.. i led ppl to wrong places and all. wasted so much time i almost wanted to die. and dexter didn't help and just shake his head at me. i was like so helpless. esp w everybody who could talk asking me wats gg on. sigh. but finally led them to the next station. and we had to wait for another group to finish the station. anw while we were waiting douglas gave a great shoulder massage. it was like so nice. haha i almost wanted to ask for more but just shyed from doing that. haven received such a power massage for so long. but helped to relax me awhile. later decided to ask jeremy to be the first person leading instead and i changed place w him. anw we were stuck at our final station later on. but it was then that douglas finally couldn't tolerate it anymore coz he had a v bad headache since he woke up. and he left for the bunk 2 rest. worried for that silly boy coz he really looked very bad. but it was after the witch doctor's challenge that dex told us he had high fever. anw reenee (oh shes this really nice and chio girl frm philippines.. but she looks caucasian coz her father is caucasian.. n shes like my good fren) had to leave to see the dean. so yups morale was lil low during witch doctor's challenge n kayaking. frenzy had an interesting ending that i wouldn't think of.. while tug of war is tiring and violent :P but sth new as well.. tower made of human feet.. i was like lifted so many times (oh i realised this is like the thing ppl always do during this camp.. lift girls up :P i was lifted up like so many times.. and i feel sorry for the ppl who lift me up coz im like damn heavy. but somehow after the camp i miss the silly feeling of being lifted up :P) and then there was the barrel challenge in which i screamed like i was in labour. and everybody laughed at me after that. but super dirty and sandy after the entire thing was over.. so it was a great time for kayaking. had an okay time kayaking.. could have enjoyed more.. but gotta paddle fast. tired. but qiangyu did most of the work sometimes so that i could rest and that was really nice of him. but the highlight was the Activity (Dex said everything was an activity and not just a game coz its serious n we gotta learn from em) .. changing positions in the kayaks. melvin and peiqi fell into the water when we tried it the second time but if not all went all. but i got q a lot of cuts from the activity. but it was nice in a kayak... it feels as if its just u and ur partner in the sea and in the sun.. against the wind. the feeling's great. tho not the feeling of being dirty.
washed up and prepared to go for campfire.. which was q pitiful esp when i think of hc MAF and makes me appreciate the effort put in by the councillors :) [oh yes i wanna go back MAF so ppl i hope u all tell me when u all gg back. and WHEN IS MAF!] a super small fireball... and campfire at the extreme left? who'd be excited? i didn't pay attention to the skits and cheers and all. but the dancing part was q fun. seems as if a lot of smu ppl go clubbing and i feel so deprived. so sad i cannot go. tho melvin said i prolly shd slip in and out on ladies night. but i wonder who can go w me to slip in and out :P anw the dancing was q fun esp when everyone was dancing YMCA.. that was the ultimate high. and i so wanna learn how to dance! but had great fun :). but gotta plan for rafts and the Final challenge which ended q late that night. so fell on the floor and slept right away.
Day 3: The Final Challenge
Its difficult to describe the entire thing except that it was q fun and everybody was like running and all. and we got first for first activity. and ppl were laughing at me coz i walked across the detergent thing standing up and i wasnt supposed to do it and supposedly i look funny. but i rmbed... shieh yuen telling me to be quieter coz i was screaming too loud and that somehow shocked me into silence for very very long. so yup gotta learn. not to be too excited. what i knew was that everybody tried their best and all. anw at certain times i was annoyed.. something i didn't really say or show.. when certain ppl were too confident and arrogant about their ideas.. but i must admit that these ideas work. and i really should oso overcome my own arrogance and pessimism that they won't. lots of things i gotta learn to control. anw. i had great fun. and felt relieved when the final challenge ended. but really felt q sad when we had to go.. tho its a short 2.5 days.. so many stuff packed in these few days that i cant help being affected. sorta miss the ppl now that im back home. and the many activities we had.
To say the truth, i didn't meet someone i could consider like my very good friend during the camp. more of like acquaintances that i would hi bye and maybe go out once in a long long while. sometimes i hate myself for that.. the zhong se qing you side of me.. and the not so easily let ppl into my inner circle side of me. but its really difficult.. i find. to change my habits.
anyhow. though they will not see this, i just wanted to say thank u everyone for being part of J51. dex coz hes been a great faci and hes so mature and all, he changes my idea of guys our age and even tho i don like him as in romantically :P, he changes my idea of the kinda person i would like. haha. silly thought i know. a nice guy is not enough liao. a person who can challenge me to think and argue w me. haha. oh wells. but anyhow yup gotta thank him for making me think in this camp. theres douglas melvin qiangyu thomas junwei all of whom were great during the camp.. in adding much guy fun and jokes. the girls shieh yuen peiqi reenee mun.. great for sticking ard with and shieh yuen for being so crazy and fun. :)
really learn a lot. or at least i felt so.
so thankful ive got J51.
thanks guys n gals :)
~9:12 PM
* * *
~12:23 AM
* * *
There are many types of people going for this test. ppl who're going for fun and haven really studied. ppl who really hope to pass this. the geniuses. blah. didn't expect q a lot of girls who dress wells aka look a bit like bim types to be there.. but saw a few. Just outside the seminar room, i sorta initiated a convo w a looks-nice-and-okay girl named Nicole. From NUS.. transferred to SMU and taking the same courses as me :). cool. must be a big change for her. but yups didn't really talk much.. more of a hi-bye-hows-school sorta acquaintances. think i'll have a lot more such occurrences.
Zipped in and out of gym.. or sort of. Ran 30 min before bathing express and rushed to gombak mrt for driving. No good. i was late by bout 10 min. and i just don feel good driving. i must be real lousy.
and just started packing stuff for camp. i wonder how its like and if Ann is enjoying it now. :)
~12:02 AM
* * *
there are so many new stuff to get used to
responsibilities that we have to start to take
now i know why people always say that its the most carefree being a child.
Its amazing ...
how we change and how people around us change.
news thats shocking but not so shocking after a while.
but im still reeling over it..
Im just glad to have Ann around.
SMU Gym was funs :) and so was just being with her.
And then there are the people whom we pick up gradually as friends.
Rachel Regina Dawn blah.
After a while all these will seem inconsequential as we forget our reservations and settle in.
So many things to do.. to immerse in.
i just hope tt i don lose myself (i doubt it..) continue to work hard and learn to trust God for he will lead us to the path where we are meant to go.
And then there's Low.
Sigh.
~3:19 PM
* * *
Crush - Mandy Moore
You know everything that I'm afraid of
You do everything i wish i did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you
I know i should tell you how i fell
I wish everyone would disappear
Every time time you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say
Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that i do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you
You know, I'm the one that you can talk to
And sometimes you tell me thing that i don't want to know
I just want to hold you
And you say exactly how you feel about her
And I wonder, could you ever think of me that way
Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that i do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you
Ooh, I wish i could tell somebody
But there's no one to talk to, nobody knows
I've got a crush on you
A crush on you, I got a crush
You say everything that no one says
But i feel everything that you're afraid to feel
I will always want you, I will always love you
I've got a crush...
~10:32 PM
* * *
as i step into new waters.
i hope that i'll change too... for the best.
~4:57 PM
* * *
one can cry and cry ...
until the heart is hardened..
and even though tears continue to fall,
the heart is not truly moved.
* * *
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
you don't care who im with, whether im spending time with you, whether im talking even though we're on the fone... not even when i told you im starting to feel less. everything seems to be a joke. laugh about it and forget.
sometimes im so sick of crying coz i know you can carry on ur dota game just fine and then snap at me... "its not my fault" ... but then again i am unreasonable. i know. so now i don even bother to tell u.
the thing is im so tired sometimes.. u know?
i wonder. where is the warmth i used to feel. the special feeling we're supposed to share.
Faded. Jaded.
and the best part?
i don't think you're gonna read this.
* * *
Monday, August 28, 2006
haha. busy busy.
1st week especially hectic with me and my mum juggling the kids all day and night (so there weren't good nights to sleep in) plus first days of school and introductions.
but i managed to get my gym work in... at least more than i intended for this week.. which is nada.
Mugging has started officially because there are discussion questions to be done every week and you WILL fall behind if you don't do them. but sometimes class participation can be quite scary. especially with pro profs. but classes are generally quite okays n interesting.. and im listening a lot more as compared to last time.. in jc e.g.
but the bad things:
1. i seem to be falling behind in friendships again coz i don see a lot of ann, og peeps (oh but at least i got to blade my ass off with them on saturday! :P and then there was vivace), 69 peeps (haven seen them for some time.. saw them on saturday but yar.. seem to be more distant w the girls.. no? different sch different lives i suppose)
2. i don REALLY have time for low and its q sad. coz i wanna have more. hahaha.. but at least now he can go home every day tho.. hes tired every day too and i feel so bad for that poor boy. and i don think i have time to see him on weekdays either so its like no extra time.
3. i want to see more of Baby (Seles) who was born last week.. did i mention that? :P but i don really have time. or rather i don wanna feel like im wasting time. but i shall wake up early tmr to carry her.
4. Muggin! omg la. theres so much to be done. its affecting my enjoyment level of talk time and dota time and family time and everything.
going for SMU Christian Fellowship tmr.. hope it'll be fuN! but it clashes with Toastmasters.
going for SMU Freshmen Bash on thurs nite... its so not me. hahah. but my og is gg. and hope tht low will go too.
going for EYE investment workshop/camp on sat morn... sounds a lil boring but i wanna learn more about investments... gonna leave early for...
Child @ Street 11.. trainin on how to build sandcastles! it may sound retardee retardo to some ppl but i think its gonna be fun and not everybody know how to build sandcastles.. at least i don remember building one myself :) ...
which means im not gonna have much time for low on sat nite.. which i wanna go for...
COMEX.. to buy my laptop case.
sounds like a packed week.
and i dun like being squeezed.
and then there are the driving lessons...
and my monthly friend.
* * *
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Colossian 3:3-7
Believe in Christ and that He lost his life so that we can gain ours... and that our souls are safely locked away with Christ in God.
But beyond that... move closer to God by becoming the kind of person we ought to be.. like Christ. and not be under Satan's Bondage.. indulging in sin. Satan works on us mostly on two things:
1. Sexuality: Lust, impurity of mind, immorality (having sexual relationships outside of the marriage covenant. includes BOTH Premarital Sex and Adultery. because Sex is something precious only to be shared with your spouse. coz love.. is large overrated.) and self-fulfillment and all those weird fetishes.. including homo coz homo is not natural.. not what God intends us to be.
- Why Sexuality is so important... coz it is part of who we are... our femaleness.. our maleness. Destroy the sanctity of it.. and destroy the foundation of all of family. Wrong values get passed down and its a vicious cycle for our kids.
2. Idolatry/Greed/Covetousness: We lose sight of God when we are immersed in the road to make money. Know that He will take care of you, of your monetary and all your other needs. and Do not worry. or do more than what you ought to do. coz u are provided by Him.
* * *
Saturday, August 19, 2006
tis quite cool really.
although it doesn't really look good... white shirt w black skirt... it generally looks quite good when lotsa ppl are wearing it. my og keeps taking pics today.. to make up for the lack of camera during camp which must be dex's fault. :P
met at subway first.. and met Jessica for the first time. shes q chio really :) the sporty girl type of chio. and very open and fun kinda person. but generally we had fun taking pics and all da way till suntec... where dex was late and thomas wore a shirt with pink/purple stripes and we educated him about the gayness of the colours. nevertheless we took lots of pics.. weird poses and alls. denz dex came along and finally reenee too. poor girl. she lost her cam on the taxi and couldn't find it back. but i enjoyed her sitting beside me. muahaha. shes so pretty. shall post some og pics when i get dem.. and u'llknow wad i mean.
okays firstly the hall is really cold esp coz we were sitting there not moving. its like freeezing. anw the convo was divided into 2 sections.. formal informal. twas cute seeing the chancellor holding da mace. i think it was the cutest part of the procession. and Dr Howard's speech was the most personal.. and perhaps most interesting of all the speeches. oh but yar. there was this segment where they showed all the awards and scholarship winners... the matric fotos and it was SUPER EMBARRASSING coz they took the matric foto and MINE WAS LIKE SHIT. ppl ask me if my head was wai diaox. quite embarassing when ppl can actually recognise u. but yar.
den we had a break where we girls went out to kope food. omg la. i cant believe we did wad we did coz shieh yuan started to steal the food from reception.. as in using our bare hands. and so we all did. but when she tried to take a puff at the end.. a woman looked at her so incredulously.. we all luffed like shit. DAMN EMBARRASSING LA.
ANW the informal session. we went out for toilet sometime after it started to take pics and go toilet. the toilet was q nice and big and had mirrors so its conducive for taking pics. the informal one gets a bit boring after a while... with all the jazz singing but the hey bi hiam (band) spiced it up.. and our og started the snake thing and going in circles and all... dancing.. blabla. it was all quite fun :) without being so cool we all get alienated
I LOVE J51!
haha.. but sry i gotta leave so soon after tt.. (so many ppl left.. its a bit hard for the rest to go off for an outing.. paisehZ.. even tho u all won see this. ha!)
and SORRY ANN I DIDN'T GO FIND U ANd SHOW OFF OUR IDENTICAL SHOES.
* * *
Friday, August 18, 2006
Police at Amsterdam's Schiphol airport on Thursday released a
warning for hallucinogenic dark chocolate bars after a homeless man ate one and
confused their uniforms with wedding dresses.
Tests showed the 72 percent cocoa dark chocolate contained psilocine, a
mind-altering substance found in hallucinogenic mushrooms and considered to be a
hard drug.
* * *
I like
My Car
it takes
me far.
* * *
I Love SMU!
its really not about the supernice building or the fact that its near to my house.. and town.
nor how hip it is. (come ons. im nots a hips person! and this point is actually off la)
or the many many chio girls or considerably better guys. (i mean... i cant really talk to the chio/shuai ppl coz they are way too cool for me. down-to-earth crazy ppl r for me!)
i think its most coz God have designated me to be there! i mean... He brought me the scholarship, He brought me Ann (myBESTESTfWeNZ), OG J51 (gr8 camp and way NICE ppl to joke ard with) and allowed me to pass the stats waiver. theres nbd like Him. what i learnt is... TRY not to expect too much. Rely on Him and Trust that he will make it all OKAY... it doesn't matter if i had failed the waiver or anything... i know that this is the route he chose for me... and I shall walk it with Him. so Im not worrying about the fwenz coz i believe that he will bring me the ones who will really matter to me!
and im SRY for all my transgressions like not joining a CG, being wicked :P, not gg church last few times, bein emo.
Thank You, God.
* * *
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Class Schedule:
| COMM 101 - Communication: Competencies and Strategies | G14 | 1 | LKCSB Seminar Rm 3.7 | Mon | 08:30 | 11:45 |
| LGST 101 - Business Law | G1 | 1 | LKCSB Seminar Rm 3.10 | Tue | 15:30 | 18:45 |
| ACCT 103 - Financial Accounting | G1 | 1 | SOA Seminar Rm 3.5 | Wed | 08:30 | 11:45 |
| MGMT 001 - Leadership and | G2 | 1 | LKCSB Class Rm 3.2 | Fri | 12:00 | 15:15 |
im not planning to bid for more so for now, i'll have thursdays free.
the bad thing is... i dunno anyone who has the same block as me.. (Blk A) but its okay. personally i prefer this blog.. though it has heavier workload. i don have to choose more modules.
Next:
- Driving today as usual. I learn how to park.. using an easier technique so although there were times the car hit the metal thingy it didn't fall.
- Gym was fun. im glad n proud =P tt i burnt 600 cal
- Child @ St 11 briefing: the video done by eric khoo was really q touching. and i want to make a difference in these kids' lives! even if they meant sacrificing my saturdays.
- went to the doc w my sis and realise my niece is bout 4.0 kg liaox which is supers big. so she prolly has to go caesarean again.
And.
Think our lives is really very different now. its difficult for either to understand or do anything bout it. just leave it to God i suppose. but yes, its really the first few times i think i can really live without. and i suppose. he has always been able to do it too. so.. hello goodbye?
sians.
* * *
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Find a way
- Plain Sunset
Do you know that I still think about you?
Even though I know that it's too late.
Do you know that I'm still missing you?
Especially right now you're far away.
There's no need to for you to tell me that; "I'm sorry",
There's no need for you to tell me that I'm sorry,
I said I'm sorry, I said I'm sorry...
Chorus;
I've got to find a way to stop you falling into my mind
I've got to find a way to keep myself from thinking of you
I've got to find a way to stop you falling into my mind
I've got to find a way to keep myself from thinking...
- Plain Sunset
Do you know that I still think about you?
Even though I know that it's too late.
Do you know that I'm still missing you?
Especially right now you're far away.
There's no need to for you to tell me that; "I'm sorry",
There's no need for you to tell me that I'm sorry,
I said I'm sorry, I said I'm sorry...
Chorus;
I've got to find a way to stop you falling into my mind
I've got to find a way to keep myself from thinking of you
I've got to find a way to stop you falling into my mind
I've got to find a way to keep myself from thinking...
* * *
Monday, August 14, 2006
a girl may break up with you not only because theres a third party.
but also because her expectations has changed... she has changed.. and so has the guy.
im currently in the Low period. as in emo low. heart sometimes in conflict with things ive just learnt and experienced. and its jus not a nice feeling. though sometimes. i know i ask for too much.
not happy w my mum oso.
im feel so juvenile u know. having to argue w my mum to go out. thinking abt relationship stuff. i mean when can i grow up.
and btw gym was fun w ann. as usual. just tt feel a bit weirds w daniel n joseph ard. sigh. small-boy charms. cute. but yar.
and i was told i missed the sunday times. low just had to wait till today to tell me. so sad.
* * *
Everything Changes
-Staind
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?
I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close,
The devil in you I suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal.
[Chorus:]
But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,
Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real.
[Chorus]
When it's just me and you.
Who knows what we could do.
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.
[Chorus]
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word.
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?.
It wouldn't change how you feel.
-Staind
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?
I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close,
The devil in you I suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal.
[Chorus:]
But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,
Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real.
[Chorus]
When it's just me and you.
Who knows what we could do.
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.
[Chorus]
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word.
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?.
It wouldn't change how you feel.
* * *
Sunday, August 13, 2006
i mean. that shouldn't sound so miraculous. but yup.
1. my 3rd sis is like pregnant again. means all my sisters are pregnant as of now. haha feeling a bit sad i cant be sharing this experience w them but no worries. i believe i'll have 4 mothers coaching me when its my turn.
2. my eldest sister giving birth soon.. like in the next 2 weeks.
3. i miss ann :)
4. my body ach all over. but its not so bad .. gradually.
5.
6.
7.
9.
10.
shd have more. i just cant think.
* * *
Except for the campfire, FTB was quite fun i guess. Certainly tiring. but most importantly, a great learning experience.
I'd like to think that I've changed after the camp. somehow.. i really think so. not so much of what we did during the camp... but more of the thinking.
Day 1: Getting to know each other
Was the first one in my OG to meet. and like certainly the first few ppl to reach there. somehow i was buzzing with energy.. walking ard to meet n talk to ppl frm other OGs. a few familiar faces. sat ard w other girls frm other ogs until some ppl frm our og came. started to talk w ppl frm my og and be my crazy self (that is like a contradiction coz my real self is not so crazy :P) and did brief intros. still quite high but all the enthusiasm died down once i got into the bus. den the low extended almost until the entire day. until theres any activity i gotta do. if not, i will just keep silent. and somehow i cant really break out of that mood. been catching myself like this before liaox. but yar. emo highs and lows can screw me up sometimes. but yups. after activities like nitro crossing, mystic river and stuff tho, i felt lil better. dexter (my faci) was great on debriefs. i know some ppl don really like those but i do. coz i feel like verbalising my thoughts make me think. instead of going through all the activities without understanding the meaning behind them. coz reflections are times when i believe that ppl really learn. but yup the activities challenge me to push thru certain psychological barriers.. not to be scared about certain physical stuff and instead learn to encourage others on. and actually, it helps. helps to repeat something. over and over. "you can do it!" and sometimes.. just sometimes, it makes it easier for us to remember. i am glad for this strength. that i realised different ppl and situations have instilled.
the night activities was um a bit lames tho. and our og cruised thru them.. i was really sorry that i wasn't scared by the haunted house and instead just kept saying sorry to them that im not scared. but yup. thanks for the great effort.
but OUR OG night activity was more fun. we stayed up until bout 1+ only.. but we played silly games like zhong ji mi ma and stuff. was so exciting to see melvin and jeremy kiss each other (on the lips some more!) even if its for a short moment.. tt i begin to wonder if i have some watch-gays fetish. ha. but melvin really lucky/unlucky. got forfeits 3 times in a row and gets to dance w mei ying as wells. super sporting super ons.. mel. our Melvin jiejie :P haha really great to have him in our og.
My complaints:
1. There was no toilet roll! OMG. not tt im very big on hygiene but at least provide some toilet rolls.. or ask us to bring ourselveS? :P
2. The floor is damn hard and we were sitting for so long for all the debriefs my butt hurts. like so badly.
3. The floor was damn hard and i wasn't tired enough on the first day so i couldn't sleep.
4. i love watching the planes. but sometimes the noises they make can be annoying.
Day 2: the low morale
So lil sleep and yet had to wake up so early. my mood wasn't at its best. but still okay. started with the maze. Those could see couldnt talk but those who could talk couldn't see. somehow we were q slow tho we were strongly held tgt. had some good starts. then we reached this soccer station tt we had to wait so we decided to move to another station. douglas asked dexter something and dex muted him. and blindfolded him. so like. die. since i was behind him i switched places w him and with my direction sense so lousy.. i led ppl to wrong places and all. wasted so much time i almost wanted to die. and dexter didn't help and just shake his head at me. i was like so helpless. esp w everybody who could talk asking me wats gg on. sigh. but finally led them to the next station. and we had to wait for another group to finish the station. anw while we were waiting douglas gave a great shoulder massage. it was like so nice. haha i almost wanted to ask for more but just shyed from doing that. haven received such a power massage for so long. but helped to relax me awhile. later decided to ask jeremy to be the first person leading instead and i changed place w him. anw we were stuck at our final station later on. but it was then that douglas finally couldn't tolerate it anymore coz he had a v bad headache since he woke up. and he left for the bunk 2 rest. worried for that silly boy coz he really looked very bad. but it was after the witch doctor's challenge that dex told us he had high fever. anw reenee (oh shes this really nice and chio girl frm philippines.. but she looks caucasian coz her father is caucasian.. n shes like my good fren) had to leave to see the dean. so yups morale was lil low during witch doctor's challenge n kayaking. frenzy had an interesting ending that i wouldn't think of.. while tug of war is tiring and violent :P but sth new as well.. tower made of human feet.. i was like lifted so many times (oh i realised this is like the thing ppl always do during this camp.. lift girls up :P i was lifted up like so many times.. and i feel sorry for the ppl who lift me up coz im like damn heavy. but somehow after the camp i miss the silly feeling of being lifted up :P) and then there was the barrel challenge in which i screamed like i was in labour. and everybody laughed at me after that. but super dirty and sandy after the entire thing was over.. so it was a great time for kayaking. had an okay time kayaking.. could have enjoyed more.. but gotta paddle fast. tired. but qiangyu did most of the work sometimes so that i could rest and that was really nice of him. but the highlight was the Activity (Dex said everything was an activity and not just a game coz its serious n we gotta learn from em) .. changing positions in the kayaks. melvin and peiqi fell into the water when we tried it the second time but if not all went all. but i got q a lot of cuts from the activity. but it was nice in a kayak... it feels as if its just u and ur partner in the sea and in the sun.. against the wind. the feeling's great. tho not the feeling of being dirty.
washed up and prepared to go for campfire.. which was q pitiful esp when i think of hc MAF and makes me appreciate the effort put in by the councillors :) [oh yes i wanna go back MAF so ppl i hope u all tell me when u all gg back. and WHEN IS MAF!] a super small fireball... and campfire at the extreme left? who'd be excited? i didn't pay attention to the skits and cheers and all. but the dancing part was q fun. seems as if a lot of smu ppl go clubbing and i feel so deprived. so sad i cannot go. tho melvin said i prolly shd slip in and out on ladies night. but i wonder who can go w me to slip in and out :P anw the dancing was q fun esp when everyone was dancing YMCA.. that was the ultimate high. and i so wanna learn how to dance! but had great fun :). but gotta plan for rafts and the Final challenge which ended q late that night. so fell on the floor and slept right away.
Day 3: The Final Challenge
Its difficult to describe the entire thing except that it was q fun and everybody was like running and all. and we got first for first activity. and ppl were laughing at me coz i walked across the detergent thing standing up and i wasnt supposed to do it and supposedly i look funny. but i rmbed... shieh yuen telling me to be quieter coz i was screaming too loud and that somehow shocked me into silence for very very long. so yup gotta learn. not to be too excited. what i knew was that everybody tried their best and all. anw at certain times i was annoyed.. something i didn't really say or show.. when certain ppl were too confident and arrogant about their ideas.. but i must admit that these ideas work. and i really should oso overcome my own arrogance and pessimism that they won't. lots of things i gotta learn to control. anw. i had great fun. and felt relieved when the final challenge ended. but really felt q sad when we had to go.. tho its a short 2.5 days.. so many stuff packed in these few days that i cant help being affected. sorta miss the ppl now that im back home. and the many activities we had.
To say the truth, i didn't meet someone i could consider like my very good friend during the camp. more of like acquaintances that i would hi bye and maybe go out once in a long long while. sometimes i hate myself for that.. the zhong se qing you side of me.. and the not so easily let ppl into my inner circle side of me. but its really difficult.. i find. to change my habits.
anyhow. though they will not see this, i just wanted to say thank u everyone for being part of J51. dex coz hes been a great faci and hes so mature and all, he changes my idea of guys our age and even tho i don like him as in romantically :P, he changes my idea of the kinda person i would like. haha. silly thought i know. a nice guy is not enough liao. a person who can challenge me to think and argue w me. haha. oh wells. but anyhow yup gotta thank him for making me think in this camp. theres douglas melvin qiangyu thomas junwei all of whom were great during the camp.. in adding much guy fun and jokes. the girls shieh yuen peiqi reenee mun.. great for sticking ard with and shieh yuen for being so crazy and fun. :)
really learn a lot. or at least i felt so.
so thankful ive got J51.
thanks guys n gals :)
* * *
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
* * *
There are many types of people going for this test. ppl who're going for fun and haven really studied. ppl who really hope to pass this. the geniuses. blah. didn't expect q a lot of girls who dress wells aka look a bit like bim types to be there.. but saw a few. Just outside the seminar room, i sorta initiated a convo w a looks-nice-and-okay girl named Nicole. From NUS.. transferred to SMU and taking the same courses as me :). cool. must be a big change for her. but yups didn't really talk much.. more of a hi-bye-hows-school sorta acquaintances. think i'll have a lot more such occurrences.
Zipped in and out of gym.. or sort of. Ran 30 min before bathing express and rushed to gombak mrt for driving. No good. i was late by bout 10 min. and i just don feel good driving. i must be real lousy.
and just started packing stuff for camp. i wonder how its like and if Ann is enjoying it now. :)
* * *
Friday, August 04, 2006
there are so many new stuff to get used to
responsibilities that we have to start to take
now i know why people always say that its the most carefree being a child.
Its amazing ...
how we change and how people around us change.
news thats shocking but not so shocking after a while.
but im still reeling over it..
Im just glad to have Ann around.
SMU Gym was funs :) and so was just being with her.
And then there are the people whom we pick up gradually as friends.
Rachel Regina Dawn blah.
After a while all these will seem inconsequential as we forget our reservations and settle in.
So many things to do.. to immerse in.
i just hope tt i don lose myself (i doubt it..) continue to work hard and learn to trust God for he will lead us to the path where we are meant to go.
And then there's Low.
Sigh.
* * *
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Crush - Mandy Moore
You know everything that I'm afraid of
You do everything i wish i did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you
I know i should tell you how i fell
I wish everyone would disappear
Every time time you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say
Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that i do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you
You know, I'm the one that you can talk to
And sometimes you tell me thing that i don't want to know
I just want to hold you
And you say exactly how you feel about her
And I wonder, could you ever think of me that way
Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that i do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you
Ooh, I wish i could tell somebody
But there's no one to talk to, nobody knows
I've got a crush on you
A crush on you, I got a crush
You say everything that no one says
But i feel everything that you're afraid to feel
I will always want you, I will always love you
I've got a crush...
* * *
as i step into new waters.
i hope that i'll change too... for the best.
* * *
Lay Khim
18 April 1987
^Pandan Primary 6A'99
^Nanyang Girls High 4/11 '03
^NJC 04S16
^HCJC 04s69
^Singapore Management University
Realizing that my life.. has just begun…
The Angels
04s69
Aaron
ANN
bumin
charmaine
lide
nelson
weiwei
RaRaf
BitterStickGal
Capturing Memories
Yokoso Japan!
gogo Japan!
...Å( i )Ïâ ÐÎΠ¾...
Îvr lÎâ â ing go
lAsT of 2004!
brenda's compilation...
bdaes by god
AMK class lunch =)
b-dae.. best day of my life
mamasux bdae againz
mamasux bdae!
sEnTosa Hut
Ye Chuan
Da Last wEeK
...04s69...
Capturing Memories
What s69 is Made Of
Ai Wo Bie Zou
bumin's clazz Xie zheng Ji
aWakEning s69
milagro soiree
let the love story begin
s69 more wu liaox
new beginning new bonding
Memory Lane
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